This I Believe…

I believe in praise and kindness. If you want someone to do something for you and you ask them in a kind way, they’ll be more likely to do what you ask. If you praise them afterwards, they’ll be more likely to do it again. However, if you tell them to do something in a harsh way and don’t even acknowledge it when they actually do it, they probably won’t want to do it or won’t do it at all. When I am told to do something, I don’t usually do it if I don’t want to or have no motivation, especially if I’m not asked politely. For example, my room is messy, and no one important is going to be in it anytime soon. Therefore, I don’t really care about the mess. Then my mom comes in and yells repeatedly in a disgusted voice “CLEAN YOUR ROOM! NOW!”  She hasn’t given me a reason nor a motivation. Then she starts yelling that she’s going to ground me.  Now I have a small motivation: to not get grounded. So then I pick up my room a little, but I’m put in an annoyed and bad mood, so I don’t do a very thorough job. Then she just comes in and yells that she wants EVERYTHING picked up and that it HAS to be spotless. Yet in my mind, I’ve done enough. One day I was at a dog training class with my puppy. The trainer was saying, “Dogs are just like kids. If you ask them to do something in a harsh way, they won’t do it. Use a happy and nice tone of voice and teach them gently. And if you don’t praise or reward them afterwards, they won’t do it again.” I realized he was very right.  That’s when it hit me. My mom has never asked me to do anything in a polite way, and if I do it, I don’t get praised or rewarded afterwards. I have no reason or motivation. Yet if she said something like, “Allison, we’re having your Great Aunt from Chicago visit, can you please clean your room?” and said something like “It looks better now, good job!” or “Nice work, here’s $10 dollars” then I would definitely be more willing to do what she said. I’m more rebellious towards people who don’t ask me to do what they want in a polite way or praise or reward me after I do it.  When other people ask me nicely and praise me then I usually do what they want. I’m not the only person that feels this way, I’m sure most people, including you, do. Next time you want someone to do something you want them to do, ask them in a kind way and either praise or reward them afterwards. If it’s reasonable, they will most likely do what you ask and will be more likely to do it again when you want them to in the future.

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